Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Deal Breakers

I once heard a joke about Black Women and the fact that they will let you get away with so much. They tolerate being called bitch, hell, they even dance to songs that call them bitch.
"What? The song is not talking about ME!"

My question is; are black women too tolerant? Do guys do so much crap to you that it has become the norm? I don't care how patient and tolerant you are, you need to have Deal Breakers. You need to have that one thing, or that handful of things that your man knows; "If I ever, ever, EVER do this, she is walking and will never forgive me"

In my opinion, right at the top of the list should be physical abuse. If ALL men knew that the immediate consequence of beating up your woman is that she will walk and she is NEVER coming back to you once she leaves, I assure you, they would think twice before doing it. But sadly, women are so forgiving. And the worst part is, beatings do not come in ones. If a man ever beats you up and gets away with it, you are almost guaranteed he will do it again.

The reason for this is simple. As with stealing and many other crimes, before he does it the first time, he is scared of the consequence. And that holds him back. That is the deterrent. No matter how angry he is, he will bite his tongue and let it slide. He will shout, he may even punch the walls. But once he has crossed that barrier and realised that he has suffered nothing more than you breaking up with him for a couple of weeks (during which time he sat, worried that you will never take him back), then, guess what? You took him back.

And life went on. So now he knows that you want him in his life so badly, that regardless of what he does, you WILL take him back. Now he slaps you just for being an hour late. You have given him permission to do so. You are no longer a victim, but a volunteer.

Another Deal Breaker for me should be a man who disrespects you. I am talking about a public and humiliating form of disrespect, here. I am talking about a man who cheats on you repeatedly, does not even try to hide the fact that he is cheating. A man who puts your life in danger by making some random girl pregnant, which means he is not even using protection. A man that you will catch RED handed in YOUR bed with another woman. A man who will add insult to injury, when you catch him, he chooses the other woman over you.

If you take back such a man, sorry but you are giving him express permission to treat you like dirt.

Now, I know that I am sounding like I am blaming women for the evils that men do. But I am saying; You are a victim the first time around. The second time he does it, you are a volunteer.

Have Deal Breakers. Have lines that he DARE not cross. Tell him about your deal breakers. And most importantly, once he dares cross those, leave him for good. THAT is how you earn respect. Keep your list of deal breakers short. Ie, don't exaggerate and make every little thing (that you know you will actually forgive eventually) into a deal breaker. They say that crime is so bad in our country because there are no serious consequences. People get bail. People get light sentences. People escape prosecution. Our courts are FAILING us.

So, as much as we blame the criminals, we also need to throw some blame at our justice system. In the same token, men who do all these things are asses and they don't deserve to be loved. But, YOU are the justice system. Do not wait until he does it a 10th time. Give his actions consequences.

WakeUp Woman!

1 comment:

  1. Culdn't agree with u more! Culdn't agree with u more!

    ReplyDelete