I once heard a joke about Black Women and the fact that they will let you get away with so much. They tolerate being called bitch, hell, they even dance to songs that call them bitch.
"What? The song is not talking about ME!"
My question is; are black women too tolerant? Do guys do so much crap to you that it has become the norm? I don't care how patient and tolerant you are, you need to have Deal Breakers. You need to have that one thing, or that handful of things that your man knows; "If I ever, ever, EVER do this, she is walking and will never forgive me"
In my opinion, right at the top of the list should be physical abuse. If ALL men knew that the immediate consequence of beating up your woman is that she will walk and she is NEVER coming back to you once she leaves, I assure you, they would think twice before doing it. But sadly, women are so forgiving. And the worst part is, beatings do not come in ones. If a man ever beats you up and gets away with it, you are almost guaranteed he will do it again.
The reason for this is simple. As with stealing and many other crimes, before he does it the first time, he is scared of the consequence. And that holds him back. That is the deterrent. No matter how angry he is, he will bite his tongue and let it slide. He will shout, he may even punch the walls. But once he has crossed that barrier and realised that he has suffered nothing more than you breaking up with him for a couple of weeks (during which time he sat, worried that you will never take him back), then, guess what? You took him back.
And life went on. So now he knows that you want him in his life so badly, that regardless of what he does, you WILL take him back. Now he slaps you just for being an hour late. You have given him permission to do so. You are no longer a victim, but a volunteer.
Another Deal Breaker for me should be a man who disrespects you. I am talking about a public and humiliating form of disrespect, here. I am talking about a man who cheats on you repeatedly, does not even try to hide the fact that he is cheating. A man who puts your life in danger by making some random girl pregnant, which means he is not even using protection. A man that you will catch RED handed in YOUR bed with another woman. A man who will add insult to injury, when you catch him, he chooses the other woman over you.
If you take back such a man, sorry but you are giving him express permission to treat you like dirt.
Now, I know that I am sounding like I am blaming women for the evils that men do. But I am saying; You are a victim the first time around. The second time he does it, you are a volunteer.
Have Deal Breakers. Have lines that he DARE not cross. Tell him about your deal breakers. And most importantly, once he dares cross those, leave him for good. THAT is how you earn respect. Keep your list of deal breakers short. Ie, don't exaggerate and make every little thing (that you know you will actually forgive eventually) into a deal breaker. They say that crime is so bad in our country because there are no serious consequences. People get bail. People get light sentences. People escape prosecution. Our courts are FAILING us.
So, as much as we blame the criminals, we also need to throw some blame at our justice system. In the same token, men who do all these things are asses and they don't deserve to be loved. But, YOU are the justice system. Do not wait until he does it a 10th time. Give his actions consequences.
WakeUp Woman!
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Why Women Cheat
In GENERAL, it is really not in women's nature to cheat.
Needless to say, there will always be exceptions to the rule, and yes, some women just love the thrill of ball chasing. But generally, women get pushed towards cheating.
Ok, so, let's start with the exceptions, and get them out of the way.
There are two kinds. The first is the kind that are just never happy with one penis inside of them. They prefer multiple entries and they enjoy the thrill of juggling them. Fortunately for everybody, those tend to be relationship phobic, so they never really hurt anybody. And sometimes it is just a phase, which they go through, then they revert to normal relationship mode. While others stay like that for ever and often ruin great relationships, in search of that ultimate thrill.
The second kind may or may not love all the sex, but their motivation is slightly different. They have men who fulfil different portfolios in their lives. Minister Of Finance, Minister of Entertainment, Minister of Transport. They will often even have more than one Minister in a particular portfolio. They often don't necessarily enjoy sex with all these guys. They will put it off and delay it as much as possible, because, ironically, they often have one guy who is the "real" boyfriend. Usually a young brother who cannot cater to all her wants and needs. So all he ends up doing is giving her love and sex.
And all her Ministers know about this guy. Which makes it easy for her to spend time with ALL her ministers, because she can always claim that she is with her real man.
Right! Now that those are out of the way (they probably make up about 25% of cheating women), let's get to the majority.
Women who get pushed to cheat. I have often said that it is really not in women's nature to cheat. Women want to nest, settle down, be comfortable. And they will sit there and endure all sorts of rubbish in the name of a comfortable home life.
But, this is where it gets complicated. Many guys, once they realise that you are comfortable and you are content, will start taking their woman for granted. They will go out there and cheat. They will go out there and spend countless evenings, drinking with the boys. They will go out there and cheat (yes, i had to say it a second time). They will pour themselves completely into their work. And they will feel that as long as they are providing for you, you have nothing to complain about.
And they will start neglecting you. The compliments will stop completely. The lovemaking will stop being lovemaking. Instead, he will be coming back home, late at night, drunk, then expect you to spread your legs for him.
When you allow this (and for a while you will because you also miss being touched AND you feel like it is your duty) he goes in, does his thing, gets his rocks off, then rolls off you and falls asleep. And you are lying there awake the whole night. And this will go on for a while.
You may even discover an infidelity or three, but you will stand by your man.
I have often been asked this question and I think I should share my thoughts on the subject: Can poor performance in bed (by her man) lead a woman to cheat? The short answer is: It Depends.
Here is the long answer. Women are very tolerant and forgiving beings. They will sit through the most horrendous nonsense, all in the name of love. So, if a man is good to her in every other way, but happens to be awful in bed. She WILL tolerate it. If a man is decent in every way, makes an effort but is.....ehm, shall we say, under-equipped in the pants section; They will tolerate it.
But if the man does not care about the woman's feelings. Jumps in and has sex with her, and when he is done, rolls over and falls asleep. Well, then, that man is asking for trouble. If all a man cares about is HIS orgasm and nothing else, he is in serious danger of alienating that woman.
Then it is just a matter of time before she meets somebody who makes her feel special. I have said it before and I will say it again. It is NOT in women's nature to cheat. But, once you have pushed her to it, she sure will. It will start out as friendship and innocent flirting, but sooner or later, this man WILL sleep with her.
Cheat on a woman repeatedly. Be uncaring about her feelings. Then you will see the wrath of a woman scorned.
And that's when Sam shows up. He is sweet. He is charming. He is the perfect gentleman. He pays you compliments all the time. He respects you. He gives you ATTENTION. Initially, it is just an innocent flirtation, but you realize that if his words and actions can make you feel so good.
Well, then chances are he can make your body feel good. Lord knows you need it. So, eventually you give in and you have it off with Sam. And it is Explosive! Fireworks! He makes you orgasm more than you have ever come in your life (in your mind) and only then does he penetrate you.
A caring considerate lover. He gives you massages and makes every experience with him feel like Paradise. Eventually, your conscience will get the better of you and you will leave Sam. But, while you are with him, you will be feeling and looking like you are 19 again. You will have a spring in your step, your skin will have a glow. And you will be paying so much more attention to your clothes, your hair and how you smell.
And sometimes, just sometimes, your ignorant man will notice all this and he will step up HIS game. Start paying you more attention. So, truly, that might be the happy ending.
Fortunately, women are VERY good at hiding affairs. They NEVER get caught. I always say, if a woman gets caught, it is because she wanted to get caught.
So, they will often get away from these affairs scott free. But do remember. Affairs ARE dangerous. You could fall in love with Sam (who was never yours to begin with). Sam could fall in love with you.
Your man might call Cheaters on you, because you are making too many business trips to Rustenburg.
So, either way. Be careful. And rather deal with the root cause of the problem. And if the problems just cannot be solved, rather leave than cheat..
Needless to say, there will always be exceptions to the rule, and yes, some women just love the thrill of ball chasing. But generally, women get pushed towards cheating.
Ok, so, let's start with the exceptions, and get them out of the way.
There are two kinds. The first is the kind that are just never happy with one penis inside of them. They prefer multiple entries and they enjoy the thrill of juggling them. Fortunately for everybody, those tend to be relationship phobic, so they never really hurt anybody. And sometimes it is just a phase, which they go through, then they revert to normal relationship mode. While others stay like that for ever and often ruin great relationships, in search of that ultimate thrill.
The second kind may or may not love all the sex, but their motivation is slightly different. They have men who fulfil different portfolios in their lives. Minister Of Finance, Minister of Entertainment, Minister of Transport. They will often even have more than one Minister in a particular portfolio. They often don't necessarily enjoy sex with all these guys. They will put it off and delay it as much as possible, because, ironically, they often have one guy who is the "real" boyfriend. Usually a young brother who cannot cater to all her wants and needs. So all he ends up doing is giving her love and sex.
And all her Ministers know about this guy. Which makes it easy for her to spend time with ALL her ministers, because she can always claim that she is with her real man.
Right! Now that those are out of the way (they probably make up about 25% of cheating women), let's get to the majority.
Women who get pushed to cheat. I have often said that it is really not in women's nature to cheat. Women want to nest, settle down, be comfortable. And they will sit there and endure all sorts of rubbish in the name of a comfortable home life.
But, this is where it gets complicated. Many guys, once they realise that you are comfortable and you are content, will start taking their woman for granted. They will go out there and cheat. They will go out there and spend countless evenings, drinking with the boys. They will go out there and cheat (yes, i had to say it a second time). They will pour themselves completely into their work. And they will feel that as long as they are providing for you, you have nothing to complain about.
And they will start neglecting you. The compliments will stop completely. The lovemaking will stop being lovemaking. Instead, he will be coming back home, late at night, drunk, then expect you to spread your legs for him.
When you allow this (and for a while you will because you also miss being touched AND you feel like it is your duty) he goes in, does his thing, gets his rocks off, then rolls off you and falls asleep. And you are lying there awake the whole night. And this will go on for a while.
You may even discover an infidelity or three, but you will stand by your man.
I have often been asked this question and I think I should share my thoughts on the subject: Can poor performance in bed (by her man) lead a woman to cheat? The short answer is: It Depends.
Here is the long answer. Women are very tolerant and forgiving beings. They will sit through the most horrendous nonsense, all in the name of love. So, if a man is good to her in every other way, but happens to be awful in bed. She WILL tolerate it. If a man is decent in every way, makes an effort but is.....ehm, shall we say, under-equipped in the pants section; They will tolerate it.
But if the man does not care about the woman's feelings. Jumps in and has sex with her, and when he is done, rolls over and falls asleep. Well, then, that man is asking for trouble. If all a man cares about is HIS orgasm and nothing else, he is in serious danger of alienating that woman.
Then it is just a matter of time before she meets somebody who makes her feel special. I have said it before and I will say it again. It is NOT in women's nature to cheat. But, once you have pushed her to it, she sure will. It will start out as friendship and innocent flirting, but sooner or later, this man WILL sleep with her.
Cheat on a woman repeatedly. Be uncaring about her feelings. Then you will see the wrath of a woman scorned.
And that's when Sam shows up. He is sweet. He is charming. He is the perfect gentleman. He pays you compliments all the time. He respects you. He gives you ATTENTION. Initially, it is just an innocent flirtation, but you realize that if his words and actions can make you feel so good.
Well, then chances are he can make your body feel good. Lord knows you need it. So, eventually you give in and you have it off with Sam. And it is Explosive! Fireworks! He makes you orgasm more than you have ever come in your life (in your mind) and only then does he penetrate you.
A caring considerate lover. He gives you massages and makes every experience with him feel like Paradise. Eventually, your conscience will get the better of you and you will leave Sam. But, while you are with him, you will be feeling and looking like you are 19 again. You will have a spring in your step, your skin will have a glow. And you will be paying so much more attention to your clothes, your hair and how you smell.
And sometimes, just sometimes, your ignorant man will notice all this and he will step up HIS game. Start paying you more attention. So, truly, that might be the happy ending.
Fortunately, women are VERY good at hiding affairs. They NEVER get caught. I always say, if a woman gets caught, it is because she wanted to get caught.
So, they will often get away from these affairs scott free. But do remember. Affairs ARE dangerous. You could fall in love with Sam (who was never yours to begin with). Sam could fall in love with you.
Your man might call Cheaters on you, because you are making too many business trips to Rustenburg.
So, either way. Be careful. And rather deal with the root cause of the problem. And if the problems just cannot be solved, rather leave than cheat..
Relationship cv
Imagine, if you will, that everything you have ever been through in the past, in your relationships, gets recorded on a cv.
So, you have to list that "I have dated 23 guys. I have had casual sex with 45 guys. I have had 5 sugar daddies and dated 8 married men."
Imagine if you had to list some exes as character references. How is your cv looking so far?
Let us go to the body of the cv. The part where you have to list all that you did during the relationship. Did you give your all? Did you work hard at it? Were you a team player? Or were you selfish and demanding and just wanted to be taken care of, while giving nothing? Did you grow, with each new relationship? Or did you keep repeating the same mistakes?
Did you keep on going back and dating the same TYPE of guy, even though you had a bad history with them?
Did you keep on dating bad boys who go out partying til the break of dawn? Let's face it; if you meet a guy at a party at 3am, don't expect him to stop going to parties til after 3 just because he has met you.
Surely you need to assess such things right up front. Don't just fall in love with the fun. Remember that he may (and probably WILL) put the fun ahead of you when you decide to get serious.
Here's another one; Conflict Resolution. Let us start here. How would you react, if you met a guy and then were told, before you even dated him, that he has beaten 3 of his exes to a pulp before?
And when you ask him he confirms it and justifies it, telling you what they did to deserve it.
In the same token, then; How do you expect your new man to react when he finds out that in the past you have; slashed an ex's tyres. Broken car windows and headlights. Beaten up an ex's new girlfriend. Harassed an ex. Publicly embarrassed and insulted an ex. Broke house windows and flooded a boyfriend's place with a hose.
I, for one, would (and HAVE) run for the hills when I have heard and verified such horror stories.
I just don't need that kind of drama in my life. Yes, nobody is perfect. But all I am saying is; Think about it.
Before slashing his tyres, ask yourself; Will one brief moment of satisfaction and feeling better be worth ruining your cv?
And believe me, these things DO come back to haunt you.
Is it worth it? Rather walk away with your dignity in place and your head held high.
Just say to yourself; "His loss. He has lost a good woman" Then walk away.
Wakeup Woman!
So, you have to list that "I have dated 23 guys. I have had casual sex with 45 guys. I have had 5 sugar daddies and dated 8 married men."
Imagine if you had to list some exes as character references. How is your cv looking so far?
Let us go to the body of the cv. The part where you have to list all that you did during the relationship. Did you give your all? Did you work hard at it? Were you a team player? Or were you selfish and demanding and just wanted to be taken care of, while giving nothing? Did you grow, with each new relationship? Or did you keep repeating the same mistakes?
Did you keep on going back and dating the same TYPE of guy, even though you had a bad history with them?
Did you keep on dating bad boys who go out partying til the break of dawn? Let's face it; if you meet a guy at a party at 3am, don't expect him to stop going to parties til after 3 just because he has met you.
Surely you need to assess such things right up front. Don't just fall in love with the fun. Remember that he may (and probably WILL) put the fun ahead of you when you decide to get serious.
Here's another one; Conflict Resolution. Let us start here. How would you react, if you met a guy and then were told, before you even dated him, that he has beaten 3 of his exes to a pulp before?
And when you ask him he confirms it and justifies it, telling you what they did to deserve it.
In the same token, then; How do you expect your new man to react when he finds out that in the past you have; slashed an ex's tyres. Broken car windows and headlights. Beaten up an ex's new girlfriend. Harassed an ex. Publicly embarrassed and insulted an ex. Broke house windows and flooded a boyfriend's place with a hose.
I, for one, would (and HAVE) run for the hills when I have heard and verified such horror stories.
I just don't need that kind of drama in my life. Yes, nobody is perfect. But all I am saying is; Think about it.
Before slashing his tyres, ask yourself; Will one brief moment of satisfaction and feeling better be worth ruining your cv?
And believe me, these things DO come back to haunt you.
Is it worth it? Rather walk away with your dignity in place and your head held high.
Just say to yourself; "His loss. He has lost a good woman" Then walk away.
Wakeup Woman!
Handling Break ups Pt1. (Be a Man About It)
I have had many cars come and go in my life. And every so often, if I see one of these on the road, I will either be saddened by how badly the new owner has looked after her, or marvel at how good she looks. And I will instantly wish she was back in my life.
Stay with me....we are still talking cars, here. Look, I know this book is written to and for women. So, this heading is a bit strange. But, this advice is actually still directed at you, ladies. Men tend to approach relationships very differently to women. We treat it more like ownership. You are my woman, you belong to me. Yes, I belong to you too.
But, the moment I lose you, my heart is not really with you any more. Men will stop caring almost immediately sometimes. Oh, do not be fooled. Many WILL keep coming back and banging on your door, telling you they cannot live without you.
But, more often than not, that is no longer his heart speaking. It is his bruised ego.
Back to my car analogy; Do you ever notice how you will break up with a guy and be alone or be in lousy relationships, and never really hear from him? But the moment you get into a great relationship, he will literally LIVE at your doorstep! Begging you to take him back.
Back when you were a mess (from your break up with him) he didn't want you. Who wants a mess? But now that you are happy and glowing....well, that's a different story. He wants that glow. But more importantly, he realises that somebody else is putting that glow on your face. The same way, if not better than he used to.
So...ladies, after a break up, focus on healing. Get that glow back. You really don't need a new man to give you that glow. Just find something that makes you happy. A new hobby, a make over, a holiday, new shoes, bags....whatever. And move on.
Let others see this glow, because nobody is attracted to your morose face and your constant sad stories.
Wakeup Woman!
Stay with me....we are still talking cars, here. Look, I know this book is written to and for women. So, this heading is a bit strange. But, this advice is actually still directed at you, ladies. Men tend to approach relationships very differently to women. We treat it more like ownership. You are my woman, you belong to me. Yes, I belong to you too.
But, the moment I lose you, my heart is not really with you any more. Men will stop caring almost immediately sometimes. Oh, do not be fooled. Many WILL keep coming back and banging on your door, telling you they cannot live without you.
But, more often than not, that is no longer his heart speaking. It is his bruised ego.
Back to my car analogy; Do you ever notice how you will break up with a guy and be alone or be in lousy relationships, and never really hear from him? But the moment you get into a great relationship, he will literally LIVE at your doorstep! Begging you to take him back.
Back when you were a mess (from your break up with him) he didn't want you. Who wants a mess? But now that you are happy and glowing....well, that's a different story. He wants that glow. But more importantly, he realises that somebody else is putting that glow on your face. The same way, if not better than he used to.
So...ladies, after a break up, focus on healing. Get that glow back. You really don't need a new man to give you that glow. Just find something that makes you happy. A new hobby, a make over, a holiday, new shoes, bags....whatever. And move on.
Let others see this glow, because nobody is attracted to your morose face and your constant sad stories.
Wakeup Woman!
Are you his Number 1?
Let's start with definitions;
Reacher; This is somebody who went for somebody that they felt was totally out of their league. Somebody they felt they didn't deserve. So, they stood on their tippy toes, and stretched their arms and managed to reach the other person with their fingertips. And they were just happy that they managed to get to them.
Settler; Somebody who feels they are better and therefore feels they deserve better. But the reacher chose to reach for them, so they stuck around. Mainly because it makes THEM the undisputable leader in the relationship. They hold all the cards.
I have often heard it being said that the really good looking guys often date plain girls. At first, I accepted the simple explanation that the guy fell for her inner beauty. And that he fell in love with all her other qualities. But it turns out, this is actually half the picture. He is a settler. Now, I am sure we all look at ourselves and think that we are beautiful and attractive. But, the fact of the matter is. We all know when somebody is totally out of our league.
When somebody is so much better looking or smarter or richer or more eligible than us. Then, miraculously, this wonderful dream of a person seems to fall for us. Sadly, you might be the victim of a settler. He/ she specifically chose you, knowing that;
1. You are actually going to be grateful he chose you over so many beautiful women in the world.
2. As a result, you will NEVER look at another man.
3. And you will be so much more tolerant of his crap, he will get away with anything. A woman who settles, knows that the guy will break his BACK trying to please her, because in his heart of hearts, he knows she deserves better than him. Likewise, a man who settles, gets away with treating the woman like dirt, just because she doesn't feel worthy of his love.
Let me ask some questions. In your relationship;
1. Who does the most calling?
2. Who always wants to see the other (apart from meeting for sex)?
3. Who always apologises after a fight (regardless of who was wrong)?
4. Who always forgives the same old crap?
If the answer to all or most of these is You, you have some self-esteem issues to resolve. You somehow believe that the person you are with is the best you could do. And that's why you are sticking around for their crap. You deserve better.
If he has mysteriously disappeared again; Don't keep calling him and nagging him. He loses respect for you with every call. And don't sit up til the sun rises, wondering where he is. Lord knows he is NOT thinking about you wherever he is. If he wanted to talk to you, I guarantee you he would have, by now. At the very least, his very first thought when he wakes up in the morning should have been you.
But it wasn't.
Get the message. You are not that high on his priority list. Find somebody who puts you at Number 1 on his list. Cos he ain't the one.
Wakeup Woman.....
Reacher; This is somebody who went for somebody that they felt was totally out of their league. Somebody they felt they didn't deserve. So, they stood on their tippy toes, and stretched their arms and managed to reach the other person with their fingertips. And they were just happy that they managed to get to them.
Settler; Somebody who feels they are better and therefore feels they deserve better. But the reacher chose to reach for them, so they stuck around. Mainly because it makes THEM the undisputable leader in the relationship. They hold all the cards.
I have often heard it being said that the really good looking guys often date plain girls. At first, I accepted the simple explanation that the guy fell for her inner beauty. And that he fell in love with all her other qualities. But it turns out, this is actually half the picture. He is a settler. Now, I am sure we all look at ourselves and think that we are beautiful and attractive. But, the fact of the matter is. We all know when somebody is totally out of our league.
When somebody is so much better looking or smarter or richer or more eligible than us. Then, miraculously, this wonderful dream of a person seems to fall for us. Sadly, you might be the victim of a settler. He/ she specifically chose you, knowing that;
1. You are actually going to be grateful he chose you over so many beautiful women in the world.
2. As a result, you will NEVER look at another man.
3. And you will be so much more tolerant of his crap, he will get away with anything. A woman who settles, knows that the guy will break his BACK trying to please her, because in his heart of hearts, he knows she deserves better than him. Likewise, a man who settles, gets away with treating the woman like dirt, just because she doesn't feel worthy of his love.
Let me ask some questions. In your relationship;
1. Who does the most calling?
2. Who always wants to see the other (apart from meeting for sex)?
3. Who always apologises after a fight (regardless of who was wrong)?
4. Who always forgives the same old crap?
If the answer to all or most of these is You, you have some self-esteem issues to resolve. You somehow believe that the person you are with is the best you could do. And that's why you are sticking around for their crap. You deserve better.
If he has mysteriously disappeared again; Don't keep calling him and nagging him. He loses respect for you with every call. And don't sit up til the sun rises, wondering where he is. Lord knows he is NOT thinking about you wherever he is. If he wanted to talk to you, I guarantee you he would have, by now. At the very least, his very first thought when he wakes up in the morning should have been you.
But it wasn't.
Get the message. You are not that high on his priority list. Find somebody who puts you at Number 1 on his list. Cos he ain't the one.
Wakeup Woman.....
Wakeup The Intro
I need to get a few things out of the way, right off the bat. I am not a Doctor. Although I have been tagged with several "Doctor" nicknames, I am just a humble Mr. In fact, when somebody calls out "Mr Yende", I look around for my dad. Because for me, I am Just Linda.
I am, by no means, a relationship expert (whatever that might be). I have no formal qualifications in that arena. Nor have I dug up references from big name psychologists and people with Phd's. All I have done with this book is shoot from the hip. All I have done, is speak from the heart.
But, I think I have jumped the gun. Let me go back to the beginning.... A friend of mine had a HUGE argument with his then mother in law. She came to his house, to try and resolve the problems that he was having with his wife, Her daughter. He got very angry and told her he refuses to accept relationship advice from a divorcee. After all, if she couldn't save her own marriage, why does she think she can save his? If you feel that way as well, then maybe this book is not for you. Because I am also coming from a failed marriage. I am candid about it. It is no big secret.
However, I am of the opinion that;
1. People can learn from my experience. My mistakes and past foolishness have cost me dearly, but have subsequently left me a wiser man.
2. It often helps to get fresh perspective from an outside source. Many times, I have found that the advice I give is nothing new, revolutionary or mind blowing. But when you get the advice at the RIGHT time, it all makes sense.
This book was not conceived in the conventional way (if there are conventional methods of book conception). It didn't start out as a book at all. I just found myself, somehow becoming an agony uncle to my numerous female friends. And more and more I realised that they were all, at some point or another, coming to me with very similar (if not identical) problems.
Relationships are never easy. But every so often, you talk to a neutral objective person and they give you a bit of a paradigm shift on your problem. At that point, I was that person, giving the same advise 2-3 times per week. And all the people would walk away much better for the advice. So, I wrote the advice down, because, honestly, it had come to me as second nature. But the effect it had on my friends amazed me. It was like I had shared with them the wisdom of Solomon. So I thought, "Hey...this was apparently very profound. I must write it down so I can remember to say it again in future."
And I started doing that regularly. Whenever I gave out any advice to anybody, I would note it down somewhere. And that is how my first note, was born. I shared this note with friends, thinking "How many friends out there have the same problems, but have never had the courage to ask for advice?"
Nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming response! That first Sunday AND the following Monday, I did nothing but field follow up questions, thank people for the compliments and e-mail copies of that first note to friends. That told me I was on to something big. The rest of that week, I was still getting compliments, words of appreciation and follow up questions from the first note. By the next Sunday, the second note had come out. Then a third note a week later and ten more over the next ten weeks. By then, this was a clearly a book that we were dealing with.
So, finally, here it is; "Wake Up! Woman!" This book is nothing more than my take on situations. My brotherly advice. My wisdom, such as it is. There are things in this book that you will not want to hear. There are things that may open wounds for you, in your heart. And there are things that will force you to come face to face with some realities that you have been trying to suppress. There will certainly be things that you strongly disagree with. The point is, this book is trying to shake you up and make you realise some things that everyone around you can see, that only YOU refuse to see. You have all been there. We have all been friends to somebody in an awful relationship, an abusive situation, a self destructive cycle. And somehow, THEY refuse to see this.
You wish you could grab them by the shoulders and scream..........
"Wake Up! Woman!"
I am, by no means, a relationship expert (whatever that might be). I have no formal qualifications in that arena. Nor have I dug up references from big name psychologists and people with Phd's. All I have done with this book is shoot from the hip. All I have done, is speak from the heart.
But, I think I have jumped the gun. Let me go back to the beginning.... A friend of mine had a HUGE argument with his then mother in law. She came to his house, to try and resolve the problems that he was having with his wife, Her daughter. He got very angry and told her he refuses to accept relationship advice from a divorcee. After all, if she couldn't save her own marriage, why does she think she can save his? If you feel that way as well, then maybe this book is not for you. Because I am also coming from a failed marriage. I am candid about it. It is no big secret.
However, I am of the opinion that;
1. People can learn from my experience. My mistakes and past foolishness have cost me dearly, but have subsequently left me a wiser man.
2. It often helps to get fresh perspective from an outside source. Many times, I have found that the advice I give is nothing new, revolutionary or mind blowing. But when you get the advice at the RIGHT time, it all makes sense.
This book was not conceived in the conventional way (if there are conventional methods of book conception). It didn't start out as a book at all. I just found myself, somehow becoming an agony uncle to my numerous female friends. And more and more I realised that they were all, at some point or another, coming to me with very similar (if not identical) problems.
Relationships are never easy. But every so often, you talk to a neutral objective person and they give you a bit of a paradigm shift on your problem. At that point, I was that person, giving the same advise 2-3 times per week. And all the people would walk away much better for the advice. So, I wrote the advice down, because, honestly, it had come to me as second nature. But the effect it had on my friends amazed me. It was like I had shared with them the wisdom of Solomon. So I thought, "Hey...this was apparently very profound. I must write it down so I can remember to say it again in future."
And I started doing that regularly. Whenever I gave out any advice to anybody, I would note it down somewhere. And that is how my first note, was born. I shared this note with friends, thinking "How many friends out there have the same problems, but have never had the courage to ask for advice?"
Nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming response! That first Sunday AND the following Monday, I did nothing but field follow up questions, thank people for the compliments and e-mail copies of that first note to friends. That told me I was on to something big. The rest of that week, I was still getting compliments, words of appreciation and follow up questions from the first note. By the next Sunday, the second note had come out. Then a third note a week later and ten more over the next ten weeks. By then, this was a clearly a book that we were dealing with.
So, finally, here it is; "Wake Up! Woman!" This book is nothing more than my take on situations. My brotherly advice. My wisdom, such as it is. There are things in this book that you will not want to hear. There are things that may open wounds for you, in your heart. And there are things that will force you to come face to face with some realities that you have been trying to suppress. There will certainly be things that you strongly disagree with. The point is, this book is trying to shake you up and make you realise some things that everyone around you can see, that only YOU refuse to see. You have all been there. We have all been friends to somebody in an awful relationship, an abusive situation, a self destructive cycle. And somehow, THEY refuse to see this.
You wish you could grab them by the shoulders and scream..........
"Wake Up! Woman!"
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