Clean Slate

I strongly believe there is no such thing as "wiping the slate clean and starting all over".

Each page in our lives, is written in ink, not pencil. So you cannot erase it and start all over. If you try to do that, you will simply be putting Tipp Ex on it and writing over it. And we all know how that ends up looking. Not a pretty sight at all.

What you CAN choose to do, however, is to agree to turn the page and move on. Walk away from it and don't look back. You both know that it is there. You have taken what you can from the experience and you have learnt all that you can. And you have now taken the conscious decision to walk away from it and never come back to it.

Once you have taken the decision to walk away from it, you have decided that you won't keep bringing it up. It is very easy to give into the temptation and have this thought in the back of your mind that your partner somehow "owes" you, since you were willing to forgive him. Don't think like that.

You take too long at the salon, thus making you both late for an appointment and he is FUMING. It is very easy for you to think (and say) "I forgave you for cheating on me with that WHORE, and you want to yell at me about being an hour late?" Don't.

Don't even think it.

The moment you do so, you are taking yourself and your relationship back to that page. And you are destroying every chance of ever healing. You forgiving should not be a credit that you keep in your pocket. It should not be a "Get out of anything smaller" pass.

The moment you forgive, you are saying, unequivocally that I WANT to get past this. I want to put this incident behind us. Obviously, that is assuming that he gives you reason to get past it as well. And by that, I mean his behaviour gives you no reason to doubt him. He makes you feel comfortable and he makes you feel relaxed enough to do that.

Walking away from the incident does not mean that you are letting him "get away with it". It means you are taking back control of your life and are refusing to be controlled and defined by the incident. It happened, you dealt with it and you have moved on.

You have made the conscious decision to be the strong woman you once were. You have chosen to be the bigger person. That shows strength of character.